Eat My Words » Hot Dish

Announcing the most frightful brand name of 2011… the Head Scratcher of the Year goes to…

admin — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 19:29:09 +0000

Ironically, the global search for Eat My Words‘ annual Head Scratcher of the Year winner produced the disastrous mash-up of those very two words global + search: Glearch. This trainwreck of two perfectly good words is without a doubt, the worst brand name of 2011. Honorable mention goes to Qwikster (died a quik death), Helishopter (what the heli were they thinking?), and Fooducate (so similar to fornicate, it sounds like something you could be arrested for if you did it in the aisle of your local Safeway).

The unanimous response to Glearch is it conjures up terrifying images of Lurch, the freakishly tall and ghoulish manservant from the Addam’s Family, who never spoke, using only grunts, sighs, or simple gesticulations. This is never a good thing. Glearch also reminds people of the word, lurch, which has many unfortunate definitions. And it’s hard to spell… Glerch, Glurch, Glurruch… you shouldn’t need a search engine to find Glearch. Duh.

We admit that Glearch is actually a pretty cool tool. It lets you search by country, language, and/or by search engine. Clearly someone very smart created it. Unfortunately they were not as skilled when it came to creating the name. As with past Head Scratcher winners, including Xobni, Speesees, Shwowp, and Shryk, we suspect Glearch was the result of a drunken Scrabble game. Tip: Just because a domain name is available on GoDaddy for $9.95 does not mean that is what you should name your company.

As the winner of Eat My Words’ 2011 Head Scratcher of the Year award, Glearch will receive a freakishly tall gold plated trophy. (We’re also happy to give them some complimentary name consulting should they decide to glearch for a new name.)

Special props go to super sleuth Charles Knight, of AltSearchEngines, who tipped us off to the name Glearch, along with dozens of others clunkers, over the past few months. Charles suggested a new definition for Glearch: a verb meaning, to turn something wonderful into something terrible. We submitted “glearch” and its new definition to the Urban Dictionary, where you can now find it listed.

Please continue to send us bad names for our 2012 Head Scratcher contest. And if you want to make sure the next brand name you come up with doesn’t win that freakishly tall trophy, take the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH name evaluation test to see if your name sucks. Of course, please contact us right away if your name does indeed suck. Operators are standing by.

Crib Notes

admin — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 20:14:53 +0000

We have been busy cooking up names for everything from caveman food to church software to consumer electronics. Our clients are choosing some fantastic names and having tremendous success in trademarking. We’ll let you know as soon as we can take them out of the Easy Bake Oven. Our superstar namer Gina (not to be confused with Rena, below), just had the ultimate creative challenge – naming her new baby. Congrats to Gina and Jeff on the birth of Graydon Peressni Clarke, born 9/22/11. Outside the office, I’ve been doing a lot of public speaking, including engagements at the Chamber of Commerce and Rocket Space. If you belong to a group that might enjoy my entertaining presentation, “How to Create Brand Names with Buzz,” please let me know. Finally, I rented our former digs to some colorful tenants and have completely transformed the loft from the Eat My Words office into the pimped out “Candyland Crib.” Before we moved, I rented it out for a few hours to Swaggaville Entertainment to shoot rapper Metro P’s new video. Of course I spent the entire $1000 rental fee on bling.

How about renaming it Brad Pit Bull?

admin — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 13:47:00 +0000

Recently we were tapped to work on a highly controversial project… to rebrand America’s most demonized breed of canine, the Pit Bull.

All of us here at Eat My Words are dyed-in-the-sheep wool animal lovers with many dogs, cats, goats, chickens, Chia pets, Pet Rocks, and one very angry goose sharing their lives with us. (Not in a one-bedroom apartment, thank goodness.) Therefore, we are predisposed to love our furry and feathered friends.

However, we admit to buying into some of the myths and misstatements about the Pit Bull and committed ourselves to get educated about this proud beast, which was once known as “America’s family pet.”

Our preliminary research has resulted in the following positive findings:

Petey (a Pit Bull) ran with The Little Rascals and they all lived to adulthood.

Jessica Biel and Jessica Alba both own Pit Bulls, and they are hot so whatever they like we like.

There was a Pit Bull named Grunt in the movie “Flashdance”. The story is that not only was Grunt a wonderful dog, but is widely considered to be a better actor than Jennifer Beals

Cesar Millan says they are OK and he is the Dog Whisperer. We don’t know what the hell whispering to a dog does, but Cesar has his own show and nice teeth.

Contrary to popular belief, Pit Bulls do not have a “locking jaw” mechanism. The same cannot be said for Rumer Willis.

The Pit Bull Registry claims you are more four times more likely to be killed by a cow than a Pit Bull. Two questions. 1) who keeps track of bovine related deaths 2) how embarrassing would it be to be killed by a cow? How about a “roaring cow“?

All kidding aside, we have learned a lot of positive things about Pit Bulls and have changed our views. Pit Bulls have only gotten a bad rap because of their association with dog fighting and popularity with MTV gangstas. The good news is that the gangsta thugs we have spotted lately in the hood are all sporting itty bitty Chihuahuas ala Paris Hilton.

Like the breed, the new names need to be friendly and approachable. Our 5 favorite new names so far:

Rockwell Terrier
(ala Norman Rockwell)

American Spirit Terrier
(Americana, sounds like a top breed)

Emperor Terrier
(a Pit Bull type dog was given to a Chinese emperor)

Gettysburg Terrier
(Americana)

Relay Terrier
(they exceed in flyball which involves relays)

We’ll keep you posted…

———-

*Pit Bull is not a breed but a description of several dogs with similar characteristics including the American Pit Bull Terrier, American Staffordshire Terrier, Staffordshire Bull Terrier and Sarah Palin.

Eat My Dust cleans up in Big Success Business Contest

admin — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 19:11:00 +0000

Congratulations to Eat My Words’ client Russ Goldin of Eat My Dust™ who is one of five finalists in the Comcast Big Success Business Pitch, taking place this Thursday night at the Westin in San Francisco. As you may know, Eat My Dust is the first green commercial janitorial company in Northern California with fundamentally different approach to cleaning. They utilize a science-based cleaning system that removes up to five times more dirt and pollutants than traditional housekeeping. They are competitively priced and 100% sustainable for both the environment and the cleaning worker.THE CONTEST DIRT
The 5 entrepreneurs will compete in front of a live audience and a panel of distinguished judges consisting of seasoned entrepreneurs and angel investors. The winner will receive a grand prize of being featured by the local CBS news in an exclusive 5-minute interview. Judges include:

Kevin Hartz- limited partner of Sequoia Capital, seed investor of Paypal, and co-founder and CEO of Eventbrite
Christine Comaford-Lynch- angel investor of Google, former VC and bestselling author
Mark O’Leary – regional vice president of Comcast Business Class
Amy Errett – Former CEO of Olivia.com and Venture Capitalist with Maveron

Thursday, March 26th
6:15 – 8:30 p.m
Westin San Francisco Market Street
50 Third Street
San Francisco, CA 94103
Purchase Tickets Here

We hope to see you there and help Eat My Dust sweep the competition!

"Notorious A.I.G." Creates New Name To Avoid PR Disaster

admin — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 19:00:00 +0000

Thanks to our colleague Anthony Shore for tipping us off to this breaking news about those sneaky bastards at AIG.

AIU Holdings: AIG Creates New Name To Avoid PR DisasterHuffington Post by Stuart WhatleyMarch 23, 2009 02:37 PM
Following up Ryan Grim’s report from Congress last week that AIG chief Edward Liddy was looking to change the company’s “thoroughly wounded and disgraced” name, it appears as though words are being put into action.
The massive insurance operation will henceforth be known as AIU Holdings, Ltd., a process that began this past weekend with the removal of the large, front-end AIG sign from the its Manhattan office.
According to Reuters:
The signage is outside the company’s Water Street offices, around the corner from AIG’s Pine Street headquarters, which has long only been marked by an understated brass plaque inscribed “American International Building.”
AIG has said it may sell the headquarter building, as part of its drive to raise funds to repay its debt to the U.S. government.
——–
We think AIG should change their name to GAG. They will only have to buy one vowel, which is about all they can afford.

Shut Up & Spoon Me – Now Available Online

admin — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 18:46:00 +0000

It seemed as if Hell would freeze over in frozen yogurt before this happened, but after months of anticipation, Spoon Me loot is finally for sale online. Now you can buy your own “Shut Up and Spoon Me” t-shirt and stop trying to steal mine. As most of you know (because we talk about it every chance we get), Eat My Words named Spoon Me, which has become the hottest frozen yogurt franchise on the planet.

Spoon Me has turned their name into cold hard cash by slapping it on everything from bumper stickers to booty shorts. We love making our clients rich and are proud to be the only naming firm that monetizes names through merchandise. (How many t-shirts do you think Spoon Me would have sold if they stuck with their original name, Zenyo?)

Check out the Spoon Me store to see all of the stylish fashions.

Wha'chu talkin' 'bout, Willis?

admin — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 18:36:00 +0000

The Sears Tower, America’s tallest building, is being renamed The Willis Tower as a result of a major new tenant, Willis Group Holdings. That’s it. We just could not resist the post title.

Announcing the worst name of 2008

admin — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 18:22:00 +0000

What happens when software engineers drink and play Scrabble?Thanks to all of you who voted in the 2008 Head Scratcher “worst name of the year” contest. This cheeky annual award, created by naming firm Eat My Words (that would be us), is inspired by our no-brainer philosophy, “A name should make you smile, instead of scratch your head.” Contenders are judged on their “ick factor” and ability to pass the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH Test, which has been featured in Wall Street Journal, a fact that we like to mention as often as possible.

Drumroll please…

The name that chalked up the most votes was a new “financial literacy” site for children out of Oklahoma named Shryk. A name that made us shriek.

The tacky pink trophy was ready to be engraved and then…
Another drumroll please…We were tipped off that Shryk renamed themselves with an even worse name: iThryv.
Whaaaaaat? Did one of their software engineers say, “Hey, we need a name with vowels so let’s get drunk and play Scrabble again”? (Why not iShryk?) The website explains it all by saying “Shryk changed the name of the corporation to iThryv in an effort to dispel any confusion related to the name of the company versus the name of the product. Now, when someone mentions iThryv — you know they are talking about financial literacy.” HELLO! What about regular literacy?! The name iThryv is so severely spelling-challenged that an entire generation of children are not going to know that the word “thrive” is spelled with vowels. Isn’t it already tragic enough that “No Child Left Behind” didn’t work and kids don’t know how to spell “flicker” or “delicious”? And sorry iThryv, the “i” doesn’t buy you a vowel. Beginning your company name with an “i or an “e” is so 1998. Just like iStockPhoto and eHarmony, the name iThryv screams, “WE’RE ON THE INTERNET!” Yeah, everyone is. If iThryv is still “thryving” 20 years from now, the name will sound even more ridiculous than it does today.

How can you avoid a Head Scratcher award?Tip #1: Your company name needs to spelled exactly as is sounds. As anyone from iThryv, Takkle, Xobni, or countless other dot coms will reluctantly admit, when you have to verbally spell out your name (and silly-sounding email address) for people, it’s embarrassing and annoying. And if it’s annoying for you, how do you think your customers feel when they type the name they hear in their browser and discover what iThrive is?
For more tips on when to scratch your name of the list, check out our Kitchen Sink Blog and the Eat My Words SMILE & SCRATCH Test, which has been featured in Wall Street Journal, a fact that we like to mention as often as possible.

San Francisco's Eat My Words Makes Million Dollar Business Finals

admin — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 11:45:00 +0000

Founder Competes for Financing, Mentoring, and Other Prizes to Help Catapult Her Businesses’ Revenue to a Million Dollars

SAN FRANCISCO, CA, Sep 09, 2008 — Business growth program, Make Mine A Million $ Business(TM), selected Alexandra Watkins of Nationally Acclaimed Naming Firm, Eat My Words, as one of twenty finalists to compete for an awards package at the New Mexico event on September 18, 2008. The event will feature female entrepreneurs from New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado, and California who competed for business development packages including money, marketing, mentoring and technology assistance to help their businesses grow into million-dollar enterprises.

The upcoming competition provides the twenty finalists the opportunity to present their business in a three-minute “elevator pitch” to a panel of business experts and a live audience. Ten winners will be chosen by the audience and judges.

Watkins founded Eat My Words in 2005, a distinctively different naming firm whose primary passion is generating conceptual, unforgettable names and taglines, after a successful 15-year career as an advertising copywriter where she discovered she had a passion for naming things. Without a college education or any formal business training, the 44-year-old entrepreneur has turned her passion into a company with clients like Frito Lay, Del Monte, Plantronics, InterContinental Hotels and infomercial giant Guthy-Renker.

Finalists will receive several of the key components of the Make Mine a Million $ Business awards package that will help their businesses break the million-dollar barrier, which includes inspiration, community, business coaching and mentoring from a “dream” team of coaches and business experts from Count Me In, and select discounts from national sponsors.

Launched in 2005 by Count Me In for Women’s Economic Independence and founding partner American Express OPEN, the Make Mine a Million $ Business program was created to help post-start up, women-owned businesses grow to one million dollars in annual revenue. Since its inception, the program has hosted 18 competitions in cities around the country and grown into a nationwide movement. For this year’s event, more than 400 applications were submitted in hopes of securing one of the finalist spots.

For more information about how women can grow their businesses please visit www.makemineamillion.org.

Who wants to be a millionaire? Alexandra selected as a finalist in Make Mine a Million $ Business Program sponsored by American Express

admin — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 07:23:00 +0000

Out of 400+ women entrepreneurs who went through an arduous application process, I was chosen as one of 20 finalists for The Make Mine a Million $ Business Program from Count Me In for Women’s Economic Independence. Their goal is to inspire one million women entrepreneurs to scale their businesses to annual revenues of $1MM by 2010. I plan to be one of them.

On September 18, I will join the finalists in Albuquerque to compete for business development packages that include money, marketing, and mentoring. Described as a cross between “The Apprentice” and “American Idol,” each of us will have 3 minutes to pitch our company to a live audience and panel of business experts. Ten winners will be chosen. Based on what I’ve heard from previous winners, including our client Allison Evanow of Square One Vodka (who encouraged me to enter), I have an excellent chance of winning. My playful personality, polished public speaking skills, interesting business, amusing anecdotes, and potential to scale are all things that will give me an edge. Plus, considering I bootstrapped the business in two and a half years without a college education or any formal business training, I am living proof that if you follow your passion you can do anything. Please cross your fingers for me.